Sunday, August 23, 2009

My birthday celebration

It was my birthday celebration with a difference. After almost a decade I celebrated my birthday. Usually my birthday celebration is limited to few sweets & a lunch or dinner with my best friends. I was not sure about this year’s celebration. After last one years great survival in my new life I wanted this year’s celebration to be different.

I was planning to visit few orphanages & spend some time with kids, play with them, and laugh with them. May be, now I could understand them better. Children’s of which age should I visit? I asked this question to myself many times. At last I thought I will spend time with small infants & toddlers. There are the sweetest. They don’t know about the different barriers erected by our cruel society. Their smile, the hug from them is the purest. I called couple of my close friends to accompany. With a long weekend of Independence Day no one was actually around. (even I wanted to go alone, If I had asked a second time many would have come but I didn’t want them to change their schedule for me, few were with their GF’s & few others were searching their independence in drinks. Since I don’t drink or smoke I don’t go to such parties & during such long weekends I can spend time with my books or guitar)

At last I decided to go to Nirmala Shishu Bhavan (an institution of missionaries of charity, it is an adoption center), I bought few sweets and Cheque as a birthday gift for them. It was not a big amount just the usual amount which I would have otherwise spent with my friends dining in some restaurants. I called the mother superior & my visit was scheduled for 3 PM. Children up to 7 years were staying there. I was excited but had a lot of questions. How will be the children, what will be their questions, will they come near me. I don’t know why & how such countless questions surfaced in my mind. All these questions vanished from my mind when I saw the first smile. Meenu was standing at the door with the sweetest smile. I stretched my hands and she came running towards me and hugged me tight. Soon few others joined her. My physique is not so large but one child had different idea. She started climbing on my as if I was a mountain!!! With two kids in my both hands & few on my legs I was stuck at the door. Soon sister rescued me from this impasse. Hearing the noise few more children came near me. I thought they need some distraction. What a better diversion that the sweets packets I had. Eureka !!! I opened the packets & I could see the smile on their faces widening. I got a volunteer in Anju. She took control of sweets and started distributing. Most of children couldn’t open the chocolate wrapper. From one end I started removing the wrapper and placed the chocolate in their mouth. I got the sweetest gift also for this effort. Kisses & hugs … they were in planty sometimes for the chocolates, sometimes for the smile. Normally shy children were also coming and started asking me a lot questions like my name, what I am doing, my home. Soon I became one among them, on my knees. Small children were interested in my spectacles. Some even tried to take that. I wanted to take few snaps but with children all-round I couldn’t even take my camera out. But still I managed to click couple. Seeing all these children I felt so sad. How could their parents leave them there? Warden said that few children were not fully orphan. Their parents were so pooer that they couldn’t keep them.
There were new born babies also with the youngest one only 16 days old. She was so cute & small lying there in the crib. I gently touched her with my fingers. When her little fingers held my fingers I was almost in another world. I talked to the caretakers and sisters. I saw a mission in their eyes , in their noble deeds they were much closer to God.

It was the time to say goodbye to all. With a promise to return I bid them all farewell and walked towards my car. I was one of the happiest person at that moment on this planet.

It was one of my best birthday celebrations ever something which I could remember for a long time. I always thought when I cross my 30’s and reach mid 30’s how would I survive. I don’t think books, poems and all the research stuff will hold my interest. Maybe now I know the reason to live, the reason to die for… It was always a thought only. I used to say that I will adopt one child even if I had my own. It was only a thought, then it became an idea but now today it has outgrown the idea and became a decision. Sometime back when I said about this idea one of my friends said that cant I produce my own. I haven’t tried it yet and not sure whether I will ever also. But now I feel that I can adopt one. In this materialistic world only thing which we can give is love. This is one investment which we can give without the fear for being going bankrupt. What difference will it make whether it is an adopted child or my own? I can only love. I am trying to flush out the jealousy, anger and all those emotions from me. I thought about the couples who spent millions for producing their child. Of course mother hood is the biggest boon and feeling.(for me mother & motherland are much bigger than even all the treasures of heaven) But cant we spent some amount on these poor souls also? If we adopt one will it make a difference? I know it will be many years after when I will have to make a decision on this but still I thought of sharing it….

At last …Happy Birthday to me :D































Mujhe FANAA Karde

Sunday, August 09, 2009

It started out as a feeling

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
’till it was a battle cry

I’ll come back..
When you call me
No need to say good bye

Just because everything’s changing
Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You’ll come back when its over
No need to say good bye
You’ll come back when it’s over
No need to say good bye.

Now we’re back to the beginning
It’s just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can’t feel it too
Doesn’t mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stonger and stonger
’til they’re before your eyes

You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye
You’ll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

The reason I would die for

It started as a dream,
a dream which kept me alive,
I wandered though the miseries of life,
in pursuit of happiness,
in search of you…

You are my unfulfilled prophesy,
you are all what I had, what I cared for
the reason to live for…
the reason to die for.

Words are caught in my own breath,
drowned in my own feelings,
you keep me floating,
the longing to be together keeps me going.

I waited so long for one answer,
which could have changed the world forever for me.
The sound of words and promises can be hollow
but I cant leave the feelings inside,
don’t let my heart turn to stone.

I had a dream yesterday, a beautiful dream
we were together on a beach ,
countless stars watching us,
walking gently hand in hand.

I still can feel the warmth of your body
the aura of your soul around me.
When I am near you I am alive,
hold me close,
don’t let me fall into the chasm of emptiness.

I want this dream to last forever,
without you I am a dead stone.
I've cried a thousand tears for this moment
looked up the dark sky and prayed.

I don’t know the source of this feeling.
Now It’s just not a feeling but
a promise,
a prophesy,
all because
You are the reason I would live for…
You are the reason I would die for…

--Abhilash