You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night..

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under screams
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come and show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come and let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em falling down down down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the fourth of July

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come and show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come and let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
And it's always been inside of you you you
And now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby you're a firework
Come and show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come and let your colors burst
Make 'em go "oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe awe awe

Wake Me Up - best song of 2013

I cant stop listening this... I always come back to this ... but wake me up before i am older and wiser. Life is all about making mistakes. We cannot be perfect. Unless we make mistake , we haven't lived. Live through mistakes, that's when we are alive.


http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/avicii/wakemeup.html

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

[2x]
So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans

Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

[2x]
So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

Didn't know I was lost
I didn't know I was lost
I didn't know I was lost
I didn't know (didn't know, didn't know)

Faking happiness: Show-off or real?

Read the First part : Are you happy? http://zoomview.blogspot.in/2012/09/are-you-happy.html
You dont need to be better than others just be the best for the right person.

We are always in a race. We want to get ahead of our friends, colleagues, siblings and everyone else. We do all those absurd things to prove our superiority. But really do we have to? We forget that the world is round and not a flat line. Can anyone tell me who is first, who is last in the circle? We all are running around in circles and expecting to come first!

We are too rigid in our life. We try to live life on our own terms. There are very few blessed people who can do that. Most of us are not that strong. We have our own conditions of acceptance for almost all areas of our life. Yesterday I was talking to a person whom I admire & respect a lot. I liked one of the comment made. Ferrari is the symbol of engineering perfection. But will we get real happiness if we drive Ferrari with a stranger who doesn’t care about us?  Travelling in an auto rickshaw (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto_rickshaw) will be far more rewarding if we are with people who can understand the spoken words & the un-spoken feelings. We may work hard all life to get Ferrari with our strict conditions and rules but in this process we may alienate the people who love us.  We will show our Ferrari to all our friends & relatives but deep within we will be poor.

Some time back I read an article about a lady in china. She had her own share of failures in life.  Her college mates had planned a get together, invited her also.  She was not ready to face her old friends with her failures in life and relationships. She put an ad in one of the Chinese social networking sites.  She was willing to spend a night with anyone who had a BMW and willing to accompany her for the function. Her social rating would have soared for one night when she goes out with her rich boyfriend driving a BMW. Will she get real happiness by that show –off? Deep within, she will be cursing herself. She was faking happiness.

Even though most of don’t go up to this extend but aren’t we doing the same at some level? We are saying no to small happiness because our social rating conscious ego doesn’t allow it.
These are some of the real life questions which I heard from few of my friends and relatives. I cannot disclose the names or identity but all are real ones.

• How can I be in a job which pays less than my friend who was not intelligent as me?  The job will be the most suited for us with satisfaction and mental piece but no we have to get ahead of our buddies to show our salary slip. In new job we may lose our piece of mind but who cares… our ego wins.
• How can I marry someone who is not as handsome as my best friend’s husband? How can I marry a person who doesn’t have the physique of a model to which my sister was married? 
• I studied up to BTech; how can I marry a mere Software Engineer in India when my colleague’s sister who had only a mere undergraduate degree married a team leader with L1 visa!!!
• How can I live in a 2BHK flat when my subordinate just purchased a 4BHK flat? 

What are we trying to prove – that we have a better salary; that our partners are better looking with great physique & intelligence. We are faking happiness sin front of our friends, sisters, brothers, relatives, subordinates but deep within we are hammered every second. We regret the wrong decisions we took but we don’t have the courage to rectify that.  We live a life of misery and unhappiness only because our ego didn’t allow it. Our ego may win but we will lose in this race.

Pause for a second, look at you, the life you are living. Are you happy with it? Adjust your conditions to allow love and happiness to prosper. Open the doors & windows. Let happiness come and embrace you.  You may not win the ego race but you will win the life’s race.

P.S.: When i was writing this article i saw a very good image in Facebook. I have attached it to the article. I Hope it it royalty free.

Are you happy?

Happiness is a state not a destination. We all have a misconception that if we achieve certain things in life we will be happy. We are always preparing to be happy rather than be happy. We say that if I get good education then I will be happy, then we hunt for a good job, then we say that if I buy that house I will be happy; if I get married to that superstar I will be happy. The list doesn’t ends here. You will start worrying about your children & their future also. Every day of your life you will have something to worry.

All these achievements are good but they cannot guarantee your happiness if you don’t change. Happiness is within you, you cannot find it outside.

There is a famous story about a common fisherman. Our guy was resting near seashore taking a nap. A business man in suits and tie comes and starts asking questions.

Businessman: “Why didn’t you go fishing today?”
Fisherman: “Yesterday I caught enough fish. Today I can rest and enjoy my day”
Businessman:”If you had gone fishing today, you would have caught more fish”
Fisherman:”Why should I catch more fish? I already have what I need”
Businessman:”With more fish you will have more profit and more savings. With more savings you can buy your own boat. With more profit you can buy more boats and become a successful person”
Fisherman:”What will I get from this success”
Businessman:”When you are successful you will be able to enjoy life more. You will be happier. You will be able to come to this seashore to relax more often”

Hearing this our fisherman smiled and said that he was doing exactly the same; enjoying his life, he was happy & he had enough time to spend on that beautiful place.

Like that businessman we are in pursuit of imaginary happiness.

The key to happiness is to accept the way you are. You are always special. It is our ego which says that we are good for nothing or that we are bad. You are a miracle, a living being, capable of communicating your thoughts and feelings. Open your eyes and see the blessings you have. Stop worrying about the things you don’t have.  You should still work to improve your life but that shouldn’t happen at the expense of ignoring your family & friends.  Enjoy every day of your blessed life.

• To be happy you don’t have to be perfect
• To be happy you don't have to be loved by everyone
• To be happy you don’t need all your dreams to come true
• To be happy you don’t have to meet everyone’s expectations
• To be happy you don’t have to be always good
• To be happy you don’t have to  hide your emotions and feelings
• To be happy you don’t have to be the smartest and richest person
• To be happy you don’t need a perfect figure or body
• To be happy you don’t have to compete with anyone.
• To be happy you don’t……

The list is very big… you can email me the rest of the items, I will add to the list.

To be happy let go your ego, open your arms and embrace the life. Accept the life as it is. Accept the real magic in you. You are a miracle. You are special. You are beautiful.

Continue reading the second part : Faking happiness: Show-off or real? http://zoomview.blogspot.in/2012/09/faking-happiness-show-off-or-real.html

Just start walking…

Life is a journey through dark. Very often we wait for sunlight hoping that it will remove the darkness from our life. With sunlight, life will be very easy, we can see everything; we can move forward at a great speed but in reality sun doesn’t come very often.

In the darkness even if we get a candle we can move forward. We may struggle but we will reach our destination. But almost all of us are waiting at same place waiting for the sunlight.  Show courage, have that leap of faith; grab the candle & light it. Life will be full of struggles but you will move forward. You will not be stagnant. When you reach the destination you will be happy with yourself.

Tiny footsteps will make us happier than a giant leap. Believe in yourself, take that small step forward. Darkness will vanish from the light of your soul. Just start walking…

Tip of the day: Be kind – lead a meaningful life

Our life is full of stress with deadlines, high expectations and imaginary success ladder. In this race we often lose ourselves, our values and principles. Getting a high paid job, getting married to your dream boy/girl, having a big car and house might not lead to a satisfied life. Even getting famous with your face in newspapers, TV news etc will not make you happy.

 Our life is made of many days, the series of small acts we do everyday makes our life. You don’t have to perform miracles to make your life happy. Just do the small acts of kindness everyday and it will add up to become a great legacy. Enrich every person who passes your way; touch them in a positive manner. Make at least one stranger smile with your effort. Pray for them. Do small things with great passion and love. It is more meaningful than doing big things without passion and love.

Be sincere in your relationships. Go that extra mile for your loved ones.

Pray for the soul – the physical appearance, beauty will change or destroyed but the mental beauty of your soul will remain with you.

Be kind and lead a meaningful life.

Short story: The simple man, The God and understanding women’s mind

Many years ago, in a distant land there lived a very simple man.  People used to make fun of his dreams and his simplicity. Our simple man thought he should do something extraordinary to get peoples respect. After a lot of thought he decided that he will go the deep forest for penance. He selected a sublime place for his meditations. Gods were happy with his devotion. They decided to bless him. The supreme God appeared before him and asked him what he wanted. From childhood our simple man was fascinated with moon so he asked the God to create a highway between earth and moon so that he can reach moon easily. On hearing this strange request, the God tried to convince our simple man that for constructing such a highway it will take a lot of effort, steel, cement etc. It was nearly an impossible task.  God asked him to ask anything except this. Our simple man thought for few moments and then asked the God to give him the power to understand the mind of women. Now it was the turn of God to think. After thinking a lot God asked our man whether he preferred 4 lane highway or 6 lane highway to moon. 

Tip of the day: Ask for what you want

“He who asks may be a fool for five minutes, He who doesn’t is a fool for a lifetime” – Chinese proverb

No one ever got anything without asking. It is the fear of failure that prevents us from asking. If we ask we may not get what we want but if we don’t ask we will never get what we want. You will have to act and stop merely wishing. Event the mightiest of the animal like Lion has to get out of his den for hunting. If he is lazy he will die of hunger

Every arrow that hits the bull’s eye is the result of one hundred misses.

Practice makes you perfect. Start the art of asking and you will get more than what you have asked 

Mothers: the visible God in our life

Last day I was burning my calories in gym. I was jogging in treadmill. There was an old film playing on the TV set. The story revolves around a father and mother, their struggles on how they bring up their son. The son goes to colleges, marries a girl and comes back. He mistreats his parents and after selling the family home; he forces his old parents to live in an old age home. This is not a unique theme; we can see the same plot in many movies.

The sad part is that we can see this in real life in many homes. I never understood how someone can be so cruel. In a family there can be difference of opinions. In my own family there were many occasions when I had the strong opinion difference with my dad & mom. I am not proud of those moments & I don’t think either my dad will be.  As they become old they may need special attention and care. We may be tired of them but have we ever wondered how many sacrifices they have done for us. How many nights sleep they have lost because of us when we were kids?  My mother had carried me in her womb for 10 months, nourishing me, giving her share of oxygen & food. How can I ever repay that?  I would have spoiled their many nights sleep with my crying when I was an infant. How about the nights when I was sick & my parents took care of me – sitting, sleeping beside me, hugging me, and giving me the warmth from their body. How can someone forget all these?

It’s very sad that we only worry about our comfort.  Even the thought of a small sacrifice irritates us.  It is a very sad truth that there are many children who conveniently forget about the sacrifices by their parents. Few days ago I visited such a place where I could find many such stories.
 
(http://zoomview.blogspot.in/2012/08/the-august-diary-different-independence.html) I got a lot of love from those mothers. I have only pity for those children who couldn’t enjoy this true love.
 It is a belief that only God can give life. When I look around I can see only person doing that miracle. So if the mothers can give life, there should be some divinity in them. They should be God. What is the use of going to temple or church if you have hurt your mother?

 In the old pagan culture, womanhood was considered divine. They commanded respect. Natural elements were considered to be feminine because of the power they held. They called nature “mother nature”. This was true in almost all regions of the planet. But slowly the powerful men conspired against this & created lot of rules in the name of God to grab power. I don’t agree with such bearded learned scholars who oppress this divine creation.  God will never hear them because they have already hurt him/her.

Tip of the day: Negative energy

Tip of the day:You should develop your mind to be receptive of good ideas. Never waste your energy in negative thinking. It will drain the life out of you. There will be ups and downs in life. Life is not a smooth road. The world is not fair, it never was & it never will be.

You should do your duty passionately with love. I am not saying that you shouldn't expect any positive result for your labour. You should surely expect but the world doesn't stops if you fail. 

World remembers only the last success you had, they will easily forget the 999 failures you had before. If you fail try once more. The only thing you have to worry is your self conscious. Can you look into the mirror and say that you did your best and that you didn't hurt anyone intentionally? Then whatever may be the end result you will never fail in your own eyes.

You may lose few battles but you can win the war :)

Towards the distant rainbow

Dark clouds are gathering fast in my sky
The eastern wind has lost its rhythm
Swirling around me in a deafening roar
I cannot even hear my heart crying over my dead soul.

I opened the window to embrace the coldness
I gave myself to the emptiness
The deep cut inside me shivered
The heart throbbed within me,
 trying to break free.

It has started raining heavily
The sky is pouring out,
coming down rapidly to embrace me
to comfort me in its hug, wiping my tears
Washing out all the dirt, all the emotions I had
Purifying me , strengthening me for the battles that awaits me

I stood there watching my last defense fading away with the passing clouds
Helpless, aimless, emotionless
Among the ruin, I have nothing else to hold on
only my shattered dreams and a lifeless soul.

The road ahead is slippery
How can I move forward?
But somehow I have started walking again,
Towards the distant rainbow, where dreams meet the reality
Where the world is not cruel.

I know I will reach there someday,
I know I am bleeding, It hurts a lot
But  I cannot stop, victory & glory awaits me
I have to move forward…

.................................
(It was a cloudy day, with heavy rains. when it started raining I opened my window, felt rain drops on my bare skin, I stood there for few minutes, closing my eyes. There was no rainbow nearby but it should be somewhere, hidden to my eyes)

Abhilash

The power of smile: I saw a smile today

We have heard that a smile makes others happy. It doesn’t cost anything but still it is so hard to get one.  Today I saw how simple is it to give a smile and make others happy.

It was the shopping season; people were busy shopping, lot of cars outside. It was drizzling also. I usually buy petrol from one petrol pump for my car. My tank was half full but when I passed through that I area I thought I will fill my tank. When I reached the pump I saw a small queue – a car and an auto-rickshaw behind it filling petrol from two outlets. Once the car in front filled its tank, I reversed parked my car into the vacant spot. I looked around could find any free person around. I pressed my car horn to draw attention; one of the staff came towards me. Looking at his face I knew he was tired after a hard day in rain. I asked him to fill petrol for INR 1000 and gave my credit card. He would have preferred cash, now I made him walk extra in rain towards the main cabin for swiping it. Once he came back with the slip to sign, I asked him for a bill also. Looking at his face I knew he would have preferred some simple folks who paid in cash & didn’t ask for bill. I felt like giving something in return. I took a deep breath, looked into his eyes, brought the best smile I could on my face and said “thank you brother for your help”. I kept that smile for few seconds. Slowly I could see the frown vanishing form his face and a new sweet smile appearing. I started my cars & slowly it started moving forward. Now this guy came back, smiled back and wished me a happy Onam. It was a surprise for me. I couldn’t understand what he said but he repeated it for me. I felt so happy about that. As I started my car again, I could see him smiling through my rearview mirror. Smile was contagious. This so simple and the best thing I did that day

Why worry

Why worry about the things you can change. You will solve it.

Why worry about things which you cannot solve. No worrying will solve it, you will only create more problems in life.

The August diary - A different independence day & Onam with Mothers

It was time for another of those special moments in life.

This 15th August was different for me and many of my friends. This month we decided to visit an old age home (Hope Foundation). I have visited this place many times. But lately I didn’t go there. I talked about this to my friend and she readily agreed.  With the Onam festival around the corner we decided to make it large. The idea of giving a grand feast and OnaKodi gifts was too exciting (Thanks Annie for this). Even on that day I could visualize the warmth and the smiles on the mothers. But there was a problem I had lost the contact number of the volunteer “cheechi”.  I contacted my ex-colleagues and got the number from them. I called and confirmed the event on 15th.  I was little worried about the catering part. Usually at this time of the year all the caterers will be busy. It was a great relief when Vinayaka caterers accepted the order. Even then I was doubtful so I called them twice on two different days to re-confirm the order. Another anxious moment was when I had to go shopping for buying new clothes for the mothers. I had done shopping with my sister, cousins, mom & very few girlfriends but selecting 11 Sarees plus Churidars and few other dress was really a gigantic task. My shopping lasts for a maximum of one hour and on this particular day I went shopping for more than 4 hours with one of my best friend. Now I can understand the pain my other friends describe when they go shopping with their wives.

Being a holiday I was not sure how many people will join us. Many had doubts about the visit. I even tried to bribe few with the lunch menu :P.  Annie did a great job of shopping and co-coordinating the visit. I think I am getting better at my management skills. I can easily delegate a lot of things :P. In the last few days we got a small crowd for the visit.

On the D day we decided to meet at a common place before going to the place. I parked the car near the gate and entered the premises. Everyone present there was waiting with a big smile and open arms for us. I was visiting this place after 2 years but surprisingly few mothers remembered me. Slowly we started talking with everyone. There was laughter, smile all around. There was melody of love in the air, a sweet gentle music which was produced by the resonance of the chords in heart. I could feel this in every one of us. I was talking to one of the mothers there. She was sitting in chair and I was on my knees holding her hand. She enquired about my job, how I come to office etc. When I told her that I drive 26 km (one way) everyday, she advised that I should take a house near office. I told her that my parents are at home and they need someone to talk to everyday so I don’t consider driving this distance a burden. At that moment I could see the tears in hers eyes, I could feel the love in her gentle hug. She would have prayed for a son like me. I felt this love in many other mothers whom I talked. I believe all the angels who came with me on that day would have felt the same. We had so many mothers who are praying for us.

Surprisingly the caterers were punctual. They reached the hope foundation at 11 AM itself! They had confirmed this with me couple of times but I didn’t believe that they will be on time. The food was delicious. An A+ for them. They are going to be my preferred caterers for any event I organize.

It was time for our lunch. The delicious traditional Kerala style feast in banana leaf was waiting. We served the food for mothers. It was fun, a collective effort. By the time we finished serving we were sort of experts in traditional Kerala food serving. After the mothers finished their lunch we had the lunch. There were few kids who preferred sitting down on the floor on for the food. After we finished our lunch it was time for the OnaKodi making it a memorable Onam for everyone.

It was not only an independence day for the country but an independence day for me also. On that day I saw something so beautiful in all those faces. Now I know what is important for me. Now when I look back I know that I will be coming to this place again.

p.s. it was my mom’s birthday. How can I celebrate it better? :) On that shopping spree I bought her also a sari. Early morning (if you can say that 7 AM is early :D ) I tiptoed to the kitchen where she was busy preparing breakfast, wished her a happy birthday and gave her the birthday gift. She smiled & I was so happy for it. The day started on a bright side.

This was one of the best days of my life :)
Thanks for all those who supported ...may god bless each one of you.

Wrong decision in life

“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?”

From The Alchemist

July diary – A visit back to the dome of love

I had almost stopped zooming for couple of years. I didn’t find much inspiration in writing.  This month was special; I was in a time travel… travelling back few years. I like small kids a lot. Years back I my birthday celebration was with small kids at an orphanage. I wanted to visit it again. Last time I went alone. This time I wanted few more people. I was not sure how people will react to this new initiative. It was a leap of faith from my side. There was nothing to worry; many liked the idea. A FB group (http://www.facebook.com/groups/ToGiveHope/) was created for this. Invited few close friends & they in turn invited few of their friends. I called mother superior and confirmed the date & time of our visit. It was an adoption centre so they had kids from 3 days to few years. Few days before our visit we bought few food supplements & chocolates from a nearby store. We bought the entire stocks of junior horlicks in that store. The look on the cashier was priceless when she saw the items. She would have imagined that I had a really big family: P

The visit was wonderful. We were around 10 people.  Once we reached the Shishu Bhavan, it was a different feeling. Sister guided us to the first floor. For a moment before the door was opened I felt sort of a sweet tension building in me. When I saw those small sweet eyes looking at us I forgot all the tensions I had. Few of them came running towards us with hands raised. I felt a very deep bond with Aisha. She was smiling at me. Her small eyes had a sort of calmness and love inside which I cannot describe in words.  How could I resist? I quickly picked her up & hugged her before anyone else claims her. She put her small arms around my neck dissolving all the barriers. For a moment I could sense my eyes getting wet.

It was a big family, soon few others kids also came towards me I lifted them also. Soon we became one among them, playing singing with them. Their sweet smiles, kiss, hugs & the smell of milk was priceless. I saw one engineer there, he wanted to play with my watch, turning all the keys and asking a lot of questions. Somehow I managed to satisfy his curiosity.

The most difficult part was going back. Before the visit I had jokingly warned my colleagues that they shouldn’t take those small kids back with them to home without permission. Really, I felt like taking at least one with me. They were so sweet. And finally when we started walking back few of the kids came and caught my hands pulling me back, another smart chap caught my leg. It was with very heavy heart that I had to put them down and go back. My heart was full, words were few. When we came down, we could see the kids crying asking us stay there with them. I quickly walked away from that place. If I had stayed there for few more minutes, tears would have rolled down. When I was driving back there was calmness in my soul which I didn’t felt for many months. I was breathing, I was alive & I knew how to love. I know this small visit has changed me for good.

There is another pretty good article written by my colleague regarding this visit. Check it out.
http://mypieceofbluesky.blogspot.in/2012/07/get-out-of-your-comfort-zone.html

The dilemma of bachelorhood – III: My marriage - To be, or not to be

To be, or not to be: that is the question. This question is plaguing me for some time.

Everyone around me keeps reminding about this. It seems that they have only one mission left in their life.

If the marriage is so divine & special why is so much violence associated with it? Why is the divorce rate always increasing (For the time being, let’s remove the forced marriage from this discussion)?

I believe that a marriage should happen between two individuals who have mutual respect, understanding, love and affection between themselves. Is it really happening this way? Even many “love” (or lust?) marriages end in failures. I have seen some horrific violence in some of my close relatives, some to the verge of death. With one look I could see that the choice was wrong.

In many cases lives most important decision is made in few minutes without much thinking. Many believe in the matching of horoscope but I believe matching of the mind & soul should matter more. In ancient times when there was no other method of selection, the horoscope matching was the only method of selection/rejection but is it really relevant now? Even the barriers like caste, religion, language or even citizenship comes second. God didn’t create these barriers it only we humans who have created these barriers and divided the paradise created by God in this solar system and created a hell out of it.

We start about thinking about that special person when we are in teens. Did I think much about at that time? Hmm didn’t I? I had few crushes but nothing more; just a small smile that’s all. I thought that I will think about all those when I am mature enough to handle my emotions. That was the best decision I took at that time. May be it’s the overdose of the things I read but I believed (still believe) the love happens only once and should be nurtured and protected carefully. I would take a decision only after a lot of thought. If we look in nature a rice plant produce many rice seeds. In natural habitat the survival rate of seeds are very less and only a few grow into another cereal plant. In contrast a coconut tree produces much less nuts but with many layers of protection. In vast ocean many islands have only this tree. I fall into this later category. Life is so small for love and very big to fight and worry.

When I begin my career, in one of my projects I was associated with a Business Analyst. He was one of those special characters with whom many couldn’t work. Working in his team was the biggest challenge. My colleagues would have preferred Kalapanni instead. Being a little research oriented I was chosen to assist him technically in a research sort of project. I had already heard the tales of Don Quixote. I approached with apprehension. But soon we were able to work as a team and made significant progress. I stuck to my expertise of technical field and gave my big ears to him. Soon he would speak a lot of things to me & I patiently listened to all those. Sometimes I was on the verge of collapse but I held myself together (Some time I felt like kicking him from the top of the building but being a junior engineer I was pretty helpless). In few weeks actually this strategy paid off. He also started listening to me and very frequently asked my opinions on a lot matters. Sometimes I would scold him!!! The role was actually reversed!!! Anyone would have thought that I was the senior & he my junior. That’s the power of listening (not hearing).  That’s not the main point very often he would say that he is 30 and still a bachelor. In a hurry he got married. But their marriage didn’t last for even 6 months. They made the biggest mistake of rushing towards wedlock. May be the peer pressure might have worked against them. But ultimately both of them had to suffer. One should listen to the heart, analyze the pulse & take a decision and not rush into it.

In old times the engagement period was the time when the couples identified with each other, their aspirations, their passions, their dreams but now it has become a mere ceremony. Initially people could decide whether they would go forward or not. In recent times how many such cases have we heard of when the people have backed of after realizing the folly? Listen to your heart don’t think about the society. Ultimately it what we believe that matters. In western countries (many places in India also) we can see people staying together before the vows to decide whether they can spend rest of their lives together or not. I don’t think I will have to do this to decide. Till now I have kept my mind, body & soul pure for the special one, Resisted many temptations. I t was a real fight of character & wits. But I clung to my beliefs. Whether it’s mentally or physically let it be for the only one even if it’s only for few minutes.

To live happily ever after ideally one should marry their best friends with whom we can talk endlessly. All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand. Even if I am married to the most beautiful women in world within few months I will lose interest in her. Scientifically it is established that on an average the new xing or x factor lasts for around 24 months. Then something else is required, after this initial period, for the continuation. Rather than husbands and wife the couples should be best friends with whom they can share all their worries, anxieties, fear, aspiration & dreams with a belief that the other person will be around to support. There should be enough space for individualism but close enough to lean for a support after the day’s hard work. Rather than running behind money, fame, promotion we should be able to spend time with family. In India men always held had an upper hand and made all the decision for the family. Many didn’t even consult with their spouse. Men held the traditional role of bread earner and women looked after the children at home. Women were shut behind the doors and had very limited rights. Even among the well educated and successful women I have seen this submissive attitude. After marriage it seems that their life has ended. I believe it’s only a phase. Life should blossom to the highest level, should soar to the heights of happiness and love. With the changing demographics & life style I think this should be changed. Women should also get the every right enjoyed by men. They should take their own decisions and should fight (not physical I don’t believe in this, the clash should of ideas). It a companion we seek for the life’s travel not a foe or stranger. The famous Tamil poet Thiruvalluvar married life was very pious (http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/12/thiruvalluvar-ideal-person-to-emulate.html) ideally we should emulate him in our married life. The journey won’t be smooth; there will be lots of ups and downs. Parents, friends, everyone will go. Some will be replaced with framed photos. In all these difficult situations we should be around to support, to fuel the flight, to pull push when the life, to lend a helping hand, to give the shoulders to the person we said “I do”.

What type of a person will I get married?  I would give only two attributes. The person with whom I can talk endlessly who could be my best friend and who could inspire me to write poems on her. She will be the reason I would live for and the reason I would die for (http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/08/reason-i-would-die-for.html)

Is marriage the only way of salvation? Well I don’t think so. There are a lot of single people in our society who had achieved a lot. Most of my role models like Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, Swami Vivekananda, Queen Elizabeth-I were single ( the list is quite big). There is more to life than getting married to some one about whom you don’t know much. Always something is not necessarily better than nothing. There are very high chances that I will end up in a monastery or with some NGO helping out others.

After the Brahmacharya, Grihastha ash-ram or Sanyas for me? Only time can tell it whether I will live as an eternal brahmachari or not. Either way life seems beautiful full of challenges ahead )

Thiruvalluvar: an ideal person to emulate in grihastha ash-ram

Thiruvalluvar was one person who always fascinated me. He was an ideal person. He was a Grihastha but was more divine and powerful than any sanyasi of his age. Thiruvalluvar showed people that a person could lead the life of a Grihastha or householder, and at the same time, lead a divine life or a life of purity and sanctity. He showed people that there was no necessity to leave the family and become a Sannyasin to lead a divine life of purity and sanctity. He expressed his philosophy in the Kural, a collection of 1330 short, pithy couplets, primarily in the form of maxims.

Hearing his stories about grihastha ash-ram  few sanyasis decided to test him. They asked Thiruvalluvar to invite them for lunch. Saint Thiruvalluvar understood their intentions. He simply kept quiet. He wanted to teach them the glory of Grihastha Ashrama by example.


When the sanyasi’s came visiting, Thiruvalluvar was taking cold rice. He said to his wife: "Vasuki, the rice is very hot. Bring a fan to cool it". Thiruvalluvar’s wife was drawing water from the well when Thiruvalluvar called her. She at once left the rope and ran to him with a fan to cool the rice. Sanyasis thought that Thiruvalluvar has gone insane; the rice was cold there was no need of fan. The vessel that contained water was hanging half-way in the well unsupported, on account of her Pativrata Dharma Shakti. Others noticed this phenomenon and the noble conduct of Vasuki and were simply struck with amazement.


The couple achieved the highest level of wisdom and divine knowledge through their devotion to each other. This is an ideal couple which we can emulate in our life

The dilemma of bachelorhood – II – Marriage

Can marriage be the silver bullet for the many problems of bachelorhood? Marriage is an institution. It is a special bond created between two individuals, two souls joined together for eternity. It is said that matches are made in heaven and the knots are tied on earth. (Well that would be cool :D , the biggest matrimonial site running on high end servers in heaven. Looking at the divorce rate, whoever managing that would be having a very tough time now. I am sure his appraisal would have gone down terribly bad in last few years) 


Confucious had a wonderful definition “Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain “


The history of Marriage goes even beyond the ancient times even before the first history chapter was recorded. Even during the time when the Human race was evolving from the primates we can find the natural evidence of first marriages. (There was no part, church, temple or feast). The marriage arose from the primeval needs of human species. It legalized the access to women so as to reduce the competition within the clan. Over a period of time, the beliefs,   the principles, the customs and rituals associated with the marriage has evolved. In ancient times no specific ceremony was required. Only the mutual consent of the people getting married was required. It was simple. But soon it became the most complex of all. There was no middle men or religion involved. It was a promise a trust between two individuals. 


In many societies it soon became a business/political or economic arrangement. The consent of two people, love or affection was not considered. Marriage became a tool to expand the pride & power of man. The freedom which women got was curbed. It was soon replaced with a false sense of pride & accomplishments. In some places people had to pay marriage tax to marry the person they like.  If we turn back our history book, we can find many instances when helpless women had to marry against her wish for the pride of her family, to protect her kingdom from the more powerful kings. Some even didn’t get this respect. Many had to live as concubines of the powerful. Some society practices polygamy. But I feel this is against the basic nature of human race. I don’t remember where but I had read in some scientific article that a person can live peacefully, take care of the emotional & physical need of only one person. 
Around 1700 the process of process of registering the marriage was introduced in Europe. Rest of the world soon followed suit. 


In the modern society marriage is foundation on which our culture & civilization stands. Marriages are formed to reproduce (not always). It is the evolution of next generation from the parent, the passing of the genes to the next generation. It is the cradle of wisdom and love in which the children acquires the skills to live a successful life ahead. (it is unfortunate that there are millions of children on streets or even in many homes who haven’t seen the power of love or family). All the religions give high importance to marriage & consider this as a sacred union of the two souls & God.


There are some bad customs/practices like dowry, child marriage, polygamy still associated with it. Our education teaches us how to create spacecraft, to become a doctor or engineer but it doesn’t teach us to live in family, on how to spread love & happiness or to react against these evil customs. Throughout we can see the erosion of the core values like mutual respect, individualism, sincerity, affection from this sacred bond.

The dilemma of bachelorhood

Are the bachelors criminals?

Recently I read an article. The following was from that.

 "The single man in general, compared to others in the population, is poor and neurotic," writes Essayist George Gilder in his book Naked Nomads. "He is disposed to criminality, drugs, and violence. He is irresponsible about his debts, alcoholic, accident prone, and venerally diseased. Unless he can marry, he is often destined to a Hobbsean life--solitary, nasty, brutish and short." (Gilder apparently had never seen Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?)  Yet the idea that bachelors were bad news was common among both conservatives and feminists. In Sex and Destiny: The Politics of Human Fertility, Germaine Greer notes that “the most threatened group in human society, as in animal societies, is the unmated male: the unmated male is more likely to wind up in prison or in an asylum or dead than his mated counterpart. He is less likely to be promoted at work, and he is considered a poor credit risk.” Further, researcher Stephanie Coontz found that more men than women describe being married as their ideal state, and men who remain single fare far worse emotionally than do their female counterparts.

Quite interesting!!!  After reading this even I was not sure about myself. Was I a criminal? Is it a sin to be a bachelor?

Society always had a different attitude towards us. They believed that bachelors are good for nothing & always invited trouble with them. For all those uncle and aunts whose views are different - we are not drunkards, party animals, living on junk foods. We also go to churches and temples (In fact some years back my day begins with the mass at a nearby church & then the pooja at the temple). We are not always looking out for girls. In India it is very hard for a bachelor to survive alone. There will be spying eyes all around. It is very difficult to get even a house for rent in a decent place. Somehow even if get a house neighbors will always on guard, never missing a chance to remind the landlord to reminding his foolishness of letting us stay in his property.

Few years back I was staying in another city. We were staying in a hostel. But due to some reason we had to move out of it. I along with my friend started to look for a rental house. Wherever we went there was a filter condition “No room for bachelors”. I was annoyed a lot. What do all these people think about us? Almost all preferred families. But we were much better than any of them. We were free on our jobs so there was no problem of not paying our rents. We were teetotaler. Direct office- back to room kids (yep we were still kidsJ). Even we toyed the idea of looking out for girls, instead of rooms or house, whom we could marry & get the minimum qualification of staying under a roof.

I don’t think either the fairer sex had any better luck in this matter. One of my colleague had to vacate her room because due to the tight work in office she was late almost on all days. And soon people started objecting to it. Even some said that she was of a loose character!!!

Even at home elders viewed us with suspicion. Our opinion & views were taken for granted. According to then we ere young, independent & but lacked the intelligence & common sense to take the right decisions. We can be easily fooled & misled. WOW!!!!!

Are we so weak & idiots??? No one gave me the correct answer. It the high time our society moved out of these stereotypes. We are intelligent & have sufficient common sense to decide our future. We have every right to live among the normal families. We are not criminals. We have the every right to live a peaceful life with dignity with the suspicious eyes all around us.