July diary – A visit back to the dome of love

I had almost stopped zooming for couple of years. I didn’t find much inspiration in writing.  This month was special; I was in a time travel… travelling back few years. I like small kids a lot. Years back I my birthday celebration was with small kids at an orphanage. I wanted to visit it again. Last time I went alone. This time I wanted few more people. I was not sure how people will react to this new initiative. It was a leap of faith from my side. There was nothing to worry; many liked the idea. A FB group (http://www.facebook.com/groups/ToGiveHope/) was created for this. Invited few close friends & they in turn invited few of their friends. I called mother superior and confirmed the date & time of our visit. It was an adoption centre so they had kids from 3 days to few years. Few days before our visit we bought few food supplements & chocolates from a nearby store. We bought the entire stocks of junior horlicks in that store. The look on the cashier was priceless when she saw the items. She would have imagined that I had a really big family: P

The visit was wonderful. We were around 10 people.  Once we reached the Shishu Bhavan, it was a different feeling. Sister guided us to the first floor. For a moment before the door was opened I felt sort of a sweet tension building in me. When I saw those small sweet eyes looking at us I forgot all the tensions I had. Few of them came running towards us with hands raised. I felt a very deep bond with Aisha. She was smiling at me. Her small eyes had a sort of calmness and love inside which I cannot describe in words.  How could I resist? I quickly picked her up & hugged her before anyone else claims her. She put her small arms around my neck dissolving all the barriers. For a moment I could sense my eyes getting wet.

It was a big family, soon few others kids also came towards me I lifted them also. Soon we became one among them, playing singing with them. Their sweet smiles, kiss, hugs & the smell of milk was priceless. I saw one engineer there, he wanted to play with my watch, turning all the keys and asking a lot of questions. Somehow I managed to satisfy his curiosity.

The most difficult part was going back. Before the visit I had jokingly warned my colleagues that they shouldn’t take those small kids back with them to home without permission. Really, I felt like taking at least one with me. They were so sweet. And finally when we started walking back few of the kids came and caught my hands pulling me back, another smart chap caught my leg. It was with very heavy heart that I had to put them down and go back. My heart was full, words were few. When we came down, we could see the kids crying asking us stay there with them. I quickly walked away from that place. If I had stayed there for few more minutes, tears would have rolled down. When I was driving back there was calmness in my soul which I didn’t felt for many months. I was breathing, I was alive & I knew how to love. I know this small visit has changed me for good.

There is another pretty good article written by my colleague regarding this visit. Check it out.
http://mypieceofbluesky.blogspot.in/2012/07/get-out-of-your-comfort-zone.html

Kelly Clarkson - What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

You know the bed feels warmer


Sleeping here alone

You know I dream in colour

And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me

Think you had the last laugh

Bet you think that everything good is gone

Think you left me broken down

Think that I'd come running back

Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, myself and I

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new

They told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back

I'd come back swinging

You tried to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, myself and I

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started

Thanks to you I'm not the broken hearted

Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me

You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning

In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, myself and I

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

© Kelly Clarkson

You have touched me more profoundly than I thought even you could have touched me - my heart was full when you came here today.

You have touched me more profoundly than I thought even you could have touched me - my heart was full when you came here today.

you always concentrate my whole senses

"My mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it. I never felt my mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment- upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of window: you always concentrate my whole senses". John Keats

तुझे भूलना चाहा पर कैसे

तुझे भूलना चाहा पर कैसे 

मेरे हर रूह  में समां गई है तू

दिल रोकों तो कैसे 

दिल के हर धड़कन में तू धड़कती है 

सासों को रोकों तो कैसे 

हर सास में तू चलती है 

तेरी यादों को भूलना चाहा पर कैसे 

तेरे यादों में ही तो जीता हूं

आँखें बंद करों तो कैसे 

हर समां में बस तू ही 

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho


Toh zinda ho tum;

Nazar mein khwabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum;

Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehno sikho,

Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna sikho,

Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni bhaayein,

Har ek pal ek naya samha dekhen yeh nigahaein,

Jo apni aankhon mein hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum;

Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho

Toh zinda ho tum;
 
©Javed Akthar

International Women'ds Day (IWD); can you help ?

It started almost 100 years ago in 1911 a day to celebrate womanhood. This year’s theme is “Equal access to education, training and science and technology: Pathway to decent work for women”. How true. May all of us have equal access to quality education.

 

Many of us even don’t know why such a day was started also. If I take a newspaper I get an impression that it is a mini valentine day for the people who missed the previous month’s date. Certainly this is much bigger than the impression we get through our Media.

 

Nothing much to write about today but I would like to hear more about the last two posts I wrote.

• http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2011/02/women-and-insensitive-indian-society.html
• http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2011/03/women-and-insensitive-indian-society-ii.html

 It will really help us spread the correct message (already I got many but we need more participation). We already got a small group to spread this awareness but I need few more volunteers. Anyone interested?

 

 

Women and an insensitive Indian society (II) - the reason

Thanks for all those wonderful feedback (mostly I got in email).

Almost all the e-mails mentioned about awareness and educating the people. But in a typical traditional Indian family where is the chance for such awareness? Which family gives priority to such ideals? We prefer high grades in exams but what about the awareness and sensitivity towards other lives around us? Which is the right place for such awareness? Is home the best place or at school? Schools will be more interested in securing prizes in so called cultural meets and reality shows but it’s very rare that we hear about any such cultural education being given to the younger generation.

In my own family I have seen this discrimination & this should be a very common sight in most of the families. Even when a girl child is in mother’s womb the so called rules and regulations are created in the family. She can’t do this she can’t do that. It is against our tradition. No women in our family did that …… the list goes on. I can even compile a book bigger than the encyclopedias with such don’t do list.

A lot of ladies talk about liberation, equality etc. but do they practice this? I believe if a change has to happen around us, first of all we have to change. There is no meaning in complaining about the inequalities in society if we ourselves don’t act on the principles we are preaching. There are many instances when I argued with my mom when she tried to enforce such rules on my sister. It’s anyone guess who won the argument. I lost heavily. There was no constraint on the education, love or any such things in our family among us children. Even my sister got a lot of freedom which is rarely available to other girl child in our society. I appreciate my mom and dad for that. But was she free to do all the things I was allowed to do? Certainly my sister cannot complain but there was this slight difference. She had a second grooming in cooking and other such other small household jobs. This is certainly good but soon it became her duty to do such things and I was never asked to do any such thing. Even when I volunteered, many times I was asked to do something suitable for boys; cooking and other such house hold jobs were for womenfolk. No one complained when I did cooking, washing and other such household jobs. But such occasions were very rare.

I was very fortunate that I didn’t see much discrimination in my family. But this is not the case in most of the other families. Girls are not allowed to study, they are not allowed to go out or mingle with others. In many parts of our country girls are kept like animals. They don’t have proper food, clothes, education. They are not even allowed to dream. Even when such basic things amenities are given she is under tremendous pressure. With 24x7 monitoring by family I don’t think most of them would even get a chance to breathe freely. With such pressure many don’t express their likes and dislikes. They are merely the puppets in the hands of their “strict” family. On many occasions when I went for campus recruitment I have observed this trait among the young engineers. In my professional and personal life also I have seen many who fear expressing their likes and dislikes. With a heavy baggage of the big don’t do list we cannot expect them to fight the discrimination. They are always at disadvantage. From this perspective, men think that women are weak. They can do whatever they like and they are just another instrument to satisfy their wishes. I cannot complain because no one told them otherwise. From childhood they are fed this notion that they are superior and women are second class citizens with no voice to protest, complain or express their likes and dislikes.

We can find the equality in almost all spheres of our life. If we look in our modern families we will see many working super moms who manage the office work and house. How many men help them in their daily “jobs”? In a family the onus should be on both. Men should also take equal responsibility is raising children and doing other household jobs. Last time when I had a discussion about this among my cousins I got support only from one of my brothers. Few days ago a very prominent figure in Indian society said that women should only do the things allowed by our culture. They have to first take care of the children and house. True, I agree but what about the menfolk don’t they have any culture or dharma? When men stay late in parties drinking alcohol they are called sophisticated and when women do such things they are called immoral!!!! (Personally I don’t drink or smoke so usually I don’t get invitations for such parties but still I cannot stop comparing the different perspective.). There are many such examples. Such notions of using different yardstick for same actions should be eliminated from our minds.

The attitude and approach of a gentleman who has seen equality at his home will be far different. If the parents teach with action that boy and girl has equal rights and should respect each other’s decisions, wishes then the world will be different place to live altogether. Many men are initially shocked when they see women expressing their ideas and wishes. In their family they never experienced this. So they take shelter in old Indian "culture" (but I wonder do they really know the meaning of culture.) and insult women with their words and actions.

This is a request to all those young mothers please burn that old “don’t do list”. Treat your children equally. If you deny something to a girl child, justify and use the same logic in case of your son. If your son can do it surely your daughter can also do it. From the very first day teach the principles of respect, equality and love to all others without any discrimination.

Women and an insensitive Indian society

Reading news from India, last few weeks was a real pain. It was embarrassing to read that Delhi has witnessed as many as 25 cases of rape and 42 cases of molestation. Are we still living in a modern India? How modern are we? Every day I can see faces of new monsters. We are still growing economically in single digits but the violence against women is growing consistently in double digits. National Crime Records Bureau reveals a very bleak picture. Only inflation can catch with this tremendous performance!!!

It’s the insensitivity of the general public worries the most. Some time back there was news about a woman in prison. Her crime? She was molested by a politician from the ruling party!!! I thought the law worked in the reverse fashion. Few days ago a lady was maimed for resisting the attack on her dignity. I thought such things only happen only during war (http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2008/08/dark-story-of-war-mass-rape.html). But now I realize for many its war every day. They have to fight each and every step they take outside their homes. There is no guarantee that they will reach back safely. Why can’t our law enforcement agencies give adequate protection in some of the vulnerable areas? There are few areas in Delhi from where such heinous crimes were reported many times but even now we cannot find even a single police check post or even a single policeman doing the rounds.

Most of the cases the victim were alone but it seems that now it doesn’t make any difference. Few weeks back, a gruesome incident was reported from Kerala. A young lady was thrown out of a running train compartment; molested and murdered. Few people who saw this crime didn’t pull the chain to stop the train. Only because it was a night train and they were getting late, they wanted to reach home as early as possible!!! How can we behave like this? Don’t we have any moral standards left with us? Don’t we have any obligations to the society we live in? I wouldn’t mind getting late even by a day (or more) if I could save a life. Will we react in the same cold manner if our daughter, sister or any relative were under attack?

For many of us such incidents has become a routine. We (including me :( ) live in continuous denial. We believe that such things happen only in far lands & we are safe. Most of days, I am in my own world. A typical day begins with thoughts of bits & bytes, bugs, performance etc. Every day I drive to office and come back in the same manner. Given an option I would spend all my time with computers, my books, music and such stuff. Just like all others I am also busy. But with such silly excuses am I not hiding from the actual society. Some will say that we pay tax (this year I paid a very bug amount :( ) ; it is the duty of the police and government to protect and act against such crimes. Surely I agree with this but paying tax alone won’t help us. We need to raise our voice, take a break from our schedules to make this place safe for our sisters.

Am I an aberration? Am I the only person who thinks like this? Certainly not, there should be thousands of good guys thinking the same way. It doesn’t matter who the victim is, even if they are stranger, as a social being it’s our fundamental duty to protect other lives around us. Today if we don’t react against such crimes then day is not far when these criminals, empowered by our silence, will attack our sisters openly within our own house in front of our eyes (already many such incidents have happened). At that time there will not be a single soul to help us. So please act next time. Even if you get late by few hours it’s worth the effort.

My dear sisters not all of us are criminals there are many good people around. Keep yourself safe. Few days back, one of my friend, whom I like a lot, informed that she was supposed to travel outside India for an official trip. Naturally I was worried a lot about her safety. She may already know a lot of self-defensive techniques even martial arts (Next time I will surely suggest martial arts) but still the world is not so safe. In United States & other such places pepper sprays are very popular. I didn’t hear much talk about sprays in India. But it is not so difficult to get pepper sprays in India.

  

You can get the spray from the following sites in India.

•  http://www.chilliguard.com/
•  http://www.knockoutspray.com/product%20range.htm

Different countries have different laws regarding the spray but there is no legal problem in India if it is used for self-defense.

• http://studenttravel.about.com/od/womenstudenttravelers/a/pepperspray.htm
• http://www.ehow.com/pepper-spray-laws/

Looking at the situation here in our places, keeping such sprays handy is not such a bad idea.

Let’s act and make this a better place to live.

Seagate 1TB external USB drive not recognized.

Last week i purchased the Seagate ITB external drive from Target. I connected to my laptop. It worked like a charm. I wanted a backup of my desktop. So i connected it. ( I had windows 7 in my laptop & XP in my desktop). The drivers were updated in my desktop but somehow the drive was not showing up in "My computer". I trid all the tricks i knew. I even started pulling my hairs out of frustration.
My USB slots were working fine. I was able to move files thought it to my pen drive & my nokia cell phone also. But somehow this 1TB drive was not working..

I removed the drive connection from the front USB slot & connected it to the rarely used back USB slot and it worked !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont know why & how but it is working properly now.

The only sane explanation i can come up is that the back USB ports supply more power than the front (theoretically both should supply same power but due to the internal configurations there is a slight difference in the power supplied via front USB port)

A different onam celebration

Onam celebration outside india. It was different. A lot of my friends asked how was my celebration. Onam in new york hmmmmm well we had a sort of celebration on saturday with all the mallus in xerox & nearby places. i wud say it was almost a party. after a long time i got the veg food :) wow we had food in banana leaf ... but the leaf was placed on a paper plate & many used fork 2 eat food :D.. there were few gujaratis's & few natives also along with we foreigners :)


on actual onam day, on monday we had pizza :(.........sunday i was on a shopping spree.. dollars poye oru kankum illa :(


we found a good indian resturant called indian flame basically a north indian punjabi restuarant. We get indian buffet for 8 $ wow .. so cheap ( yea 8$ is very cheap here :D ) by the time we go back 2 india they will remove the buffet system or will restrict to natives only :D
 
So this onam was definitely a different one. Hope i dont have the same experience again .. i miss the feast..

You are my sunshine

Once upon a time i was a human, with humane feelings, I scribbled few lines . i called it a poem .. i found this today & posted it. I was not bad.:D

I lay awake and saw the stars
the heaven looking down at me with envy
because I held you in my arms.
The beach was deserted
but I was full, I had you to hold on.



With your touch,
the magic spells of sadness were broken,
from a stone I had become a human.
Eyes were wide open,
looking at the gorgeous angel with wings.



With a beautiful smile
I slept in your tight embrace.
When I awoke, I was in my bed
It was only a dream,
and I knew
why my eyes were wet.



I wake and sigh,
and sleep to dream everyday thinking of you
of the truth which I cannot hide
I cannot write, I cannot speak or think



You came like a dark cloud in desert
like the sunshine in darkness
you have gone away so far
left me in the dark desert,
to suffer this loneliness alone.


When you are away
I feel as if I have lost my other half
incomplete in two, alive but dead
Alas !!! I know we won’t meet anywhere,
we reside in each other.
But still I miss you.



I have soared high on your wings.
You are my shining star in night
to guide me back to safety.
You are the lighthouse,
to which I steer my ship in this turmoil



You are my happiness,
you are the guiding light when skies are grey.
Take me also with you.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't go away.



You are my sweet little honeypot
from where I drink the nectar of happiness.
You are the princess of happiness from heaven,
who came to love me.
Im still waiting for your embrace,
free me from this world of sadness and humiliation,
take me also back to heaven



I miss you,
because you are my hope,
my sunshine,
my happiness.
you are my savior.

Asamal.net - Beware spam/fraud website

I have seen many types of spam. I have received emails from royals & similar officials of some unknown countries promising to deposit millions of dollars in my account. There were some unknown admirers who would have done anything for me !!!!!! Better sense prevailed i didn't even open such emails. 

But today even i was tricked to open an email. when i checked my email i found the following email. When i clicked on the hyper link i was redirected to rediff login page in  asamal.net. The page had the same look and feel. But then suddenly i noticed the URL & the cat was out of the bag. Then i closely observed the mail which i had received which had many pointers to the fraud

 

surprise surprise surprise ... i had another mail waiting in my mailbox which also redirected to the same website !!!!!!!

Friends pass this message . Before you click on any such links in your email especially which asks for your login credentials or any such identification details please double check the email & the website. 

Acid attacks – by the devils from hell

Today was just like any other Sundays “late to bed and late to wake up makes a Sunday worth living”.  While skimming through the newspapers an article about an acid attack victim caught my attention. Just like most of us do I paused for a moment and then continued my reading. But the image lingered on my mind throughout the day. The eyes were saying something to me. Did it complain or were there any tears in it? By evening I was quite busy into my technical research but then again the image resurfaced. It created enough ripples in my mind. I googled and the images I found shocked even my soul. I was shocked, such a heinous crime by a human being on another?

BANGLADESH. Dhaka. June 2005.Nobisa Begam. 15 Years old. Photographed three days after acid was thrown in her face for refusing a marriage proposal..(Courtesy bop.nppa.org)

What should I call these acts of violence? The perpetrators of this violence are they human or devil himself in human form? It is one of the most violent crimes against women. It is not only an act against her dignity, self respect, independence but also against the fundamental principle of humanity on which our civilized society is standing. It is a trauma that these hapless victims have to undergo everyday of their life. Everyday when they look into mirror (those who are still lucky to have their eyes after the attack many were not so luck) the pain they have undergone, the humiliation they have suffered re-surfaces.

Most of the attacks are by husbands or the people known to the victims with a major share from the so called “lovers”. I couldn’t understand how could people throw acid when a woman refuses their proposal? They say they loved and how could someone hurt some body so much? This is not committed in a fit of passion. A lot of planning is required for it. Guys if this has crossed your mind then remember it’s not worth. Love is not about taking by violence it is sacrifice of what you have. Love demands patience and sacrifice and not violence. If you have truly loved someone you will happily give your life for a single smile of your loved ones. Yow will never think about harming in any way. So if you have thought in any other fashion then you can be sure that you never loved. Even the most pure and polite approach might lead to failure but then it shouldn’t drive yourself to this crime against humanity. Pause and look around and see how many smiles, how many hopes you will kill with your action. You may be provoked to your limits but remember life has a lot of things to offer.

Angura. 30 years old, lies with her son and mother on the floor of her ward in the hospital run by the Acid Survivors Foundation in Dhaka. Her husband and another man threw acid on her and then burnt her eyes with a blowtorch after she refused her husband permission to take another woman into their home.(Courtesy bop.nppa.org)

In some places it is used as a too, to suppress women, to curtail their independence. There were reports of acid attacks on girl student in Afghanistan by the Taliban and its allies. They were against the women education and hence these attacks. Elsewhere in places like Kashmir acids were thrown on women who refused to wear the burkha. There were attacks on women by the jealous employer.  In some part of the India acid attack was used to strengthen the evil clutches of casteism.

Such news is always sensational which our media are ever ready to feed on. But after this sensation do we ever think how these people go about their life. The may get big promises of compensation and sympathy but are they fulfilled? Even if sufficient compensation is given how can we compensate the pain, the agony, the shame, the humiliation they have undergone?

How can we prevent this? We cannot stop the supply of acids. This is freely available in markets which even a child can buy for a paltry amount. The need of hour is a quality education with proper emphasize on humanity and its values. Those who commit such heinous crime should get the maximum punishment possible under law. If it was in my power I would have given a death punishment, after treatment in the same fashion an eye for an eye. I would have stoned them to death. I know I may look like a barbaric in my verdict but these crimes are worse form of barbarism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acid_throwing

Dec 3: Hope or tragedy?

Dec3 is personally always special to me. This year also I woke up with a smile on my lips and a song in my soul. It was just unlike any other day it was special. Sun was shining; cool breeze of December was playing in its own tune.

Soon I remembered an old story and the smile started disappearing. It was a day when many didn’t wake from their sleep. It was a day of chaos, disaster and death. It was a day when mothers didn’t know their children had died, children didn’t know their mothers had died and men didn’t know their whole families had died. It was the day when methyl isocyanate gas (MIC) escaped from the Union Carbide’s underground storage plant in Bhopal.

It was a city where I grew up, I played, I went to school. Luckily my parents moved with me to the city when I was a small kid, only after few years of the tragedy. But even now I can remember the grim tales of shock, horror and betrayal which I heard. Many of my family friends and relatives who survived the accident didn’t believe that they will actually see us again.

A picture speaks thousand words. I have posted three different pics of the tragedy. I wouldn’t have written this blog about an incident which happened 25 years ago. But after seeing these images I cried. I had promised that I wouldn’t cry again but I couldn’t control myself today. I cried for the mothers, for the children, for the fathers and for all those countless lives which were lost because of human greed.

3rd December 1984

Shortly after midnight poison gas leaked from factory in Bhopal. There was no warning; none of the plant's safety systems were working. Nearly 40 tonnes of lethal Methyl Isocyanate had escaped from the Union Carbide factory in Bhopal. The pesticide plant was shifted from America because it was ''too risky'' for Americans.

In the city people were sleeping. They woke in darkness to the sound of screams with the gases burning their eyes, noses and mouths. They began retching and coughing up froth streaked with blood. Whole neighborhoods fled in panic, some were trampled, and others convulsed and fell dead. People lost control of their bowels and bladders as they ran. Within hours thousands of dead bodies lay in the streets. 

There were mass funerals and mass cremations as well as disposal of bodies in the Narmada river. 170,000 people were treated at hospitals and temporary dispensaries. 2,000 buffalo, goats, and other animals were collected and buried. Within a few days, leaves on trees yellowed and fell off. Supplies, including food, became scarce owing to suppliers' safety fears.

Authorities estimated that the gas affected around 520,000 people. Of these, 200,000 were below 15 years of age, and 3,000 were pregnant women. In 1991, 3,928 deaths had been certified. Independent organizations recorded 8,000 dead in the first days. Other estimations vary between 10,000 and 30,000. Another 100,000 to 200,000 people are estimated to have permanent injuries of different degrees. It was a holocaust; thousands were gassed.

There were many warnings but the plan management were interested only in making $$$ for the safety of their workers was least important.

The man responsible for the Bhopal disaster, former Union Carbide CEO Warren Anderson. An international arrest warrant was issued for Anderson, who fled justice and disappeared. The US government disavowed any knowledge of his whereabouts, and was unable to locate him. Greenpeace and the The Mirror found Anderson living in New York State, under his own name, in 2002 following less than a month-long investigation. The US government has still not taken Anderson into custody. Such modern Hitler should be hanged, should be stoned to death. Are such people above the law? Is no one answerable to the lives lost? Even after so many years the survivors are fighting for justice. The pesticide residue left in the closed plant is till polluting the environment but who cares for these things?

This should have been an eye opener. But still we can find countless Bhopal in the making. If we look around we will find them. Let’s act now or should we wait for another such accident. My Brothers and sisters don’t think that this won’t happen to you or to your dear ones. This can happen anywhere. So act now.. If you don’t get anyone to protest let me know. Even if no one joins you I will come and fight along with you. I will readily give my life to prevent another Bhopal.

I still don’t understand why man is always running after money. We don’t take anything to our grave but only few sweet memories. Maybe many don’t understand this.

Why should we destroy the masterpiece of the almighty – this green plant our home. Lets us keep it safe for the nest generation. Let’s fight for the survival not for our children but for us.

The dilemma of bachelorhood – III: My marriage - To be, or not to be

To be, or not to be: that is the question. This question is plaguing me for some time.

Everyone around me keeps reminding about this. It seems that they have only one mission left in their life.

If the marriage is so divine & special why is so much violence associated with it? Why is the divorce rate always increasing (For the time being, let’s remove the forced marriage from this discussion)?

I believe that a marriage should happen between two individuals who have mutual respect, understanding, love and affection between themselves. Is it really happening this way? Even many “love” (or lust?) marriages end in failures. I have seen some horrific violence in some of my close relatives, some to the verge of death. With one look I could see that the choice was wrong.

In many cases lives most important decision is made in few minutes without much thinking. Many believe in the matching of horoscope but I believe matching of the mind & soul should matter more. In ancient times when there was no other method of selection, the horoscope matching was the only method of selection/rejection but is it really relevant now? Even the barriers like caste, religion, language or even citizenship comes second. God didn’t create these barriers it only we humans who have created these barriers and divided the paradise created by God in this solar system and created a hell out of it.

We start about thinking about that special person when we are in teens. Did I think much about at that time? Hmm didn’t I? I had few crushes but nothing more; just a small smile that’s all. I thought that I will think about all those when I am mature enough to handle my emotions. That was the best decision I took at that time. May be it’s the overdose of the things I read but I believed (still believe) the love happens only once and should be nurtured and protected carefully. I would take a decision only after a lot of thought. If we look in nature a rice plant produce many rice seeds. In natural habitat the survival rate of seeds are very less and only a few grow into another cereal plant. In contrast a coconut tree produces much less nuts but with many layers of protection. In vast ocean many islands have only this tree. I fall into this later category. Life is so small for love and very big to fight and worry.

When I begin my career, in one of my projects I was associated with a Business Analyst. He was one of those special characters with whom many couldn’t work. Working in his team was the biggest challenge. My colleagues would have preferred Kalapanni instead. Being a little research oriented I was chosen to assist him technically in a research sort of project. I had already heard the tales of Don Quixote. I approached with apprehension. But soon we were able to work as a team and made significant progress. I stuck to my expertise of technical field and gave my big ears to him. Soon he would speak a lot of things to me & I patiently listened to all those. Sometimes I was on the verge of collapse but I held myself together (Some time I felt like kicking him from the top of the building but being a junior engineer I was pretty helpless). In few weeks actually this strategy paid off. He also started listening to me and very frequently asked my opinions on a lot matters. Sometimes I would scold him!!! The role was actually reversed!!! Anyone would have thought that I was the senior & he my junior. That’s the power of listening (not hearing).  That’s not the main point very often he would say that he is 30 and still a bachelor. In a hurry he got married. But their marriage didn’t last for even 6 months. They made the biggest mistake of rushing towards wedlock. May be the peer pressure might have worked against them. But ultimately both of them had to suffer. One should listen to the heart, analyze the pulse & take a decision and not rush into it.

In old times the engagement period was the time when the couples identified with each other, their aspirations, their passions, their dreams but now it has become a mere ceremony. Initially people could decide whether they would go forward or not. In recent times how many such cases have we heard of when the people have backed of after realizing the folly? Listen to your heart don’t think about the society. Ultimately it what we believe that matters. In western countries (many places in India also) we can see people staying together before the vows to decide whether they can spend rest of their lives together or not. I don’t think I will have to do this to decide. Till now I have kept my mind, body & soul pure for the special one, Resisted many temptations. I t was a real fight of character & wits. But I clung to my beliefs. Whether it’s mentally or physically let it be for the only one even if it’s only for few minutes.

To live happily ever after ideally one should marry their best friends with whom we can talk endlessly. All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand. Even if I am married to the most beautiful women in world within few months I will lose interest in her. Scientifically it is established that on an average the new xing or x factor lasts for around 24 months. Then something else is required, after this initial period, for the continuation. Rather than husbands and wife the couples should be best friends with whom they can share all their worries, anxieties, fear, aspiration & dreams with a belief that the other person will be around to support. There should be enough space for individualism but close enough to lean for a support after the day’s hard work. Rather than running behind money, fame, promotion we should be able to spend time with family. In India men always held had an upper hand and made all the decision for the family. Many didn’t even consult with their spouse. Men held the traditional role of bread earner and women looked after the children at home. Women were shut behind the doors and had very limited rights. Even among the well educated and successful women I have seen this submissive attitude. After marriage it seems that their life has ended. I believe it’s only a phase. Life should blossom to the highest level, should soar to the heights of happiness and love. With the changing demographics & life style I think this should be changed. Women should also get the every right enjoyed by men. They should take their own decisions and should fight (not physical I don’t believe in this, the clash should of ideas). It a companion we seek for the life’s travel not a foe or stranger. The famous Tamil poet Thiruvalluvar married life was very pious (http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/12/thiruvalluvar-ideal-person-to-emulate.html) ideally we should emulate him in our married life. The journey won’t be smooth; there will be lots of ups and downs. Parents, friends, everyone will go. Some will be replaced with framed photos. In all these difficult situations we should be around to support, to fuel the flight, to pull push when the life, to lend a helping hand, to give the shoulders to the person we said “I do”.

What type of a person will I get married?  I would give only two attributes. The person with whom I can talk endlessly who could be my best friend and who could inspire me to write poems on her. She will be the reason I would live for and the reason I would die for (http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/08/reason-i-would-die-for.html)

Is marriage the only way of salvation? Well I don’t think so. There are a lot of single people in our society who had achieved a lot. Most of my role models like Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, Swami Vivekananda, Queen Elizabeth-I were single ( the list is quite big). There is more to life than getting married to some one about whom you don’t know much. Always something is not necessarily better than nothing. There are very high chances that I will end up in a monastery or with some NGO helping out others.

After the Brahmacharya, Grihastha ash-ram or Sanyas for me? Only time can tell it whether I will live as an eternal brahmachari or not. Either way life seems beautiful full of challenges ahead )

Thiruvalluvar: an ideal person to emulate in grihastha ash-ram

Thiruvalluvar was one person who always fascinated me. He was an ideal person. He was a Grihastha but was more divine and powerful than any sanyasi of his age. Thiruvalluvar showed people that a person could lead the life of a Grihastha or householder, and at the same time, lead a divine life or a life of purity and sanctity. He showed people that there was no necessity to leave the family and become a Sannyasin to lead a divine life of purity and sanctity. He expressed his philosophy in the Kural, a collection of 1330 short, pithy couplets, primarily in the form of maxims.

Hearing his stories about grihastha ash-ram  few sanyasis decided to test him. They asked Thiruvalluvar to invite them for lunch. Saint Thiruvalluvar understood their intentions. He simply kept quiet. He wanted to teach them the glory of Grihastha Ashrama by example.


When the sanyasi’s came visiting, Thiruvalluvar was taking cold rice. He said to his wife: "Vasuki, the rice is very hot. Bring a fan to cool it". Thiruvalluvar’s wife was drawing water from the well when Thiruvalluvar called her. She at once left the rope and ran to him with a fan to cool the rice. Sanyasis thought that Thiruvalluvar has gone insane; the rice was cold there was no need of fan. The vessel that contained water was hanging half-way in the well unsupported, on account of her Pativrata Dharma Shakti. Others noticed this phenomenon and the noble conduct of Vasuki and were simply struck with amazement.


The couple achieved the highest level of wisdom and divine knowledge through their devotion to each other. This is an ideal couple which we can emulate in our life

The dilemma of bachelorhood – II – Marriage

Can marriage be the silver bullet for the many problems of bachelorhood? Marriage is an institution. It is a special bond created between two individuals, two souls joined together for eternity. It is said that matches are made in heaven and the knots are tied on earth. (Well that would be cool :D , the biggest matrimonial site running on high end servers in heaven. Looking at the divorce rate, whoever managing that would be having a very tough time now. I am sure his appraisal would have gone down terribly bad in last few years) 


Confucious had a wonderful definition “Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain “


The history of Marriage goes even beyond the ancient times even before the first history chapter was recorded. Even during the time when the Human race was evolving from the primates we can find the natural evidence of first marriages. (There was no part, church, temple or feast). The marriage arose from the primeval needs of human species. It legalized the access to women so as to reduce the competition within the clan. Over a period of time, the beliefs,   the principles, the customs and rituals associated with the marriage has evolved. In ancient times no specific ceremony was required. Only the mutual consent of the people getting married was required. It was simple. But soon it became the most complex of all. There was no middle men or religion involved. It was a promise a trust between two individuals. 


In many societies it soon became a business/political or economic arrangement. The consent of two people, love or affection was not considered. Marriage became a tool to expand the pride & power of man. The freedom which women got was curbed. It was soon replaced with a false sense of pride & accomplishments. In some places people had to pay marriage tax to marry the person they like.  If we turn back our history book, we can find many instances when helpless women had to marry against her wish for the pride of her family, to protect her kingdom from the more powerful kings. Some even didn’t get this respect. Many had to live as concubines of the powerful. Some society practices polygamy. But I feel this is against the basic nature of human race. I don’t remember where but I had read in some scientific article that a person can live peacefully, take care of the emotional & physical need of only one person. 
Around 1700 the process of process of registering the marriage was introduced in Europe. Rest of the world soon followed suit. 


In the modern society marriage is foundation on which our culture & civilization stands. Marriages are formed to reproduce (not always). It is the evolution of next generation from the parent, the passing of the genes to the next generation. It is the cradle of wisdom and love in which the children acquires the skills to live a successful life ahead. (it is unfortunate that there are millions of children on streets or even in many homes who haven’t seen the power of love or family). All the religions give high importance to marriage & consider this as a sacred union of the two souls & God.


There are some bad customs/practices like dowry, child marriage, polygamy still associated with it. Our education teaches us how to create spacecraft, to become a doctor or engineer but it doesn’t teach us to live in family, on how to spread love & happiness or to react against these evil customs. Throughout we can see the erosion of the core values like mutual respect, individualism, sincerity, affection from this sacred bond.

The dilemma of bachelorhood

Are the bachelors criminals?

Recently I read an article. The following was from that.

 "The single man in general, compared to others in the population, is poor and neurotic," writes Essayist George Gilder in his book Naked Nomads. "He is disposed to criminality, drugs, and violence. He is irresponsible about his debts, alcoholic, accident prone, and venerally diseased. Unless he can marry, he is often destined to a Hobbsean life--solitary, nasty, brutish and short." (Gilder apparently had never seen Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?)  Yet the idea that bachelors were bad news was common among both conservatives and feminists. In Sex and Destiny: The Politics of Human Fertility, Germaine Greer notes that “the most threatened group in human society, as in animal societies, is the unmated male: the unmated male is more likely to wind up in prison or in an asylum or dead than his mated counterpart. He is less likely to be promoted at work, and he is considered a poor credit risk.” Further, researcher Stephanie Coontz found that more men than women describe being married as their ideal state, and men who remain single fare far worse emotionally than do their female counterparts.

Quite interesting!!!  After reading this even I was not sure about myself. Was I a criminal? Is it a sin to be a bachelor?

Society always had a different attitude towards us. They believed that bachelors are good for nothing & always invited trouble with them. For all those uncle and aunts whose views are different - we are not drunkards, party animals, living on junk foods. We also go to churches and temples (In fact some years back my day begins with the mass at a nearby church & then the pooja at the temple). We are not always looking out for girls. In India it is very hard for a bachelor to survive alone. There will be spying eyes all around. It is very difficult to get even a house for rent in a decent place. Somehow even if get a house neighbors will always on guard, never missing a chance to remind the landlord to reminding his foolishness of letting us stay in his property.

Few years back I was staying in another city. We were staying in a hostel. But due to some reason we had to move out of it. I along with my friend started to look for a rental house. Wherever we went there was a filter condition “No room for bachelors”. I was annoyed a lot. What do all these people think about us? Almost all preferred families. But we were much better than any of them. We were free on our jobs so there was no problem of not paying our rents. We were teetotaler. Direct office- back to room kids (yep we were still kidsJ). Even we toyed the idea of looking out for girls, instead of rooms or house, whom we could marry & get the minimum qualification of staying under a roof.

I don’t think either the fairer sex had any better luck in this matter. One of my colleague had to vacate her room because due to the tight work in office she was late almost on all days. And soon people started objecting to it. Even some said that she was of a loose character!!!

Even at home elders viewed us with suspicion. Our opinion & views were taken for granted. According to then we ere young, independent & but lacked the intelligence & common sense to take the right decisions. We can be easily fooled & misled. WOW!!!!!

Are we so weak & idiots??? No one gave me the correct answer. It the high time our society moved out of these stereotypes. We are intelligent & have sufficient common sense to decide our future. We have every right to live among the normal families. We are not criminals. We have the every right to live a peaceful life with dignity with the suspicious eyes all around us. 

Tuesdays with life

Tuesdays with Morrie

If you haven’t read this book you don’t know what you are missing. This is a true story about two individuals, a student and his teacher. It is a book about the intelligent conversations which happen between the student and his master. This book may not be very familiar with the young population (I am not so old: D) but the same book was in the best seller list of New York Times for consecutive 250 weeks! This books talks about the simple joys of life which we are missing.

Background

Morrie Schwartz, a history professor at Brandeis University, has been diagnosed with ALS and is dying. Mitch Albom is a former student (He didn’t visit his professor for many years), who had become a fairly well known sports writer, heard about his teacher from an interview decided to pay a visit. This visit soon turned into regular meetings - on Tuesdays. In this book Mitch Albom recounts his time spent with his 78 year old sociology professor at Brandeis University, the wisdom of life gained on every Tuesdays.

Even on his deathbed Morrie teaches us on how to live a full live.

Simple Ideas

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” – Morrie.

There are many books available on self improvement which talks about the ideas in this book but no one has touched my heart & soul in such an effective manner. Morrie teaches us the most important lesson of simplicity. Life is very short. We are always worried about different things in this materialistic world. All these things don’t matter at all. It is the love, the smile, the forgiveness that matters after all.

W. H Suden says in his poem “We must love one another or die.”
“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on—in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”

Go and get a personal copy. It is a fast read simple book which you will always cherish.