Tip of the day: Be kind – lead a meaningful life

Our life is full of stress with deadlines, high expectations and imaginary success ladder. In this race we often lose ourselves, our values and principles. Getting a high paid job, getting married to your dream boy/girl, having a big car and house might not lead to a satisfied life. Even getting famous with your face in newspapers, TV news etc will not make you happy.

 Our life is made of many days, the series of small acts we do everyday makes our life. You don’t have to perform miracles to make your life happy. Just do the small acts of kindness everyday and it will add up to become a great legacy. Enrich every person who passes your way; touch them in a positive manner. Make at least one stranger smile with your effort. Pray for them. Do small things with great passion and love. It is more meaningful than doing big things without passion and love.

Be sincere in your relationships. Go that extra mile for your loved ones.

Pray for the soul – the physical appearance, beauty will change or destroyed but the mental beauty of your soul will remain with you.

Be kind and lead a meaningful life.

Short story: The simple man, The God and understanding women’s mind

Many years ago, in a distant land there lived a very simple man.  People used to make fun of his dreams and his simplicity. Our simple man thought he should do something extraordinary to get peoples respect. After a lot of thought he decided that he will go the deep forest for penance. He selected a sublime place for his meditations. Gods were happy with his devotion. They decided to bless him. The supreme God appeared before him and asked him what he wanted. From childhood our simple man was fascinated with moon so he asked the God to create a highway between earth and moon so that he can reach moon easily. On hearing this strange request, the God tried to convince our simple man that for constructing such a highway it will take a lot of effort, steel, cement etc. It was nearly an impossible task.  God asked him to ask anything except this. Our simple man thought for few moments and then asked the God to give him the power to understand the mind of women. Now it was the turn of God to think. After thinking a lot God asked our man whether he preferred 4 lane highway or 6 lane highway to moon. 

Tip of the day: Ask for what you want

“He who asks may be a fool for five minutes, He who doesn’t is a fool for a lifetime” – Chinese proverb

No one ever got anything without asking. It is the fear of failure that prevents us from asking. If we ask we may not get what we want but if we don’t ask we will never get what we want. You will have to act and stop merely wishing. Event the mightiest of the animal like Lion has to get out of his den for hunting. If he is lazy he will die of hunger

Every arrow that hits the bull’s eye is the result of one hundred misses.

Practice makes you perfect. Start the art of asking and you will get more than what you have asked 

The shameless blockbuster story of our country

I was skimming the newspapers today late morning (some of luxuries because of a mid week holiday); suddenly a small news article caught my attention. The news was about the suicide of a man because he couldn’t get the money for his daughter’s dowry. The amount was only INR 50K plus few other “gifts”.  It pains that there is no end for such stories. We call ourselves cultured, educated people. What education and culture do these murderers have? Animals are better than us.

We are one of the fastest growing economies on this planet. The rapid commercialization has caused a serious degradation of our value system. Today we are worried about the latest gadgets, glamour, pay checks etc. There is no place for human values, compassion, and love. In our society marriage was considered very sacred, the central pillar around which the society worked. But today this is one of the most profitable business. The love and companionship in the relation is replaced by the paychecks and the status.
 The same degradation in human value sustains this demand of dowry. My readers will be surprised that this problem is not limited to the lower, illiterate sections of the society. We can find this menace in all layers of society.  People with highest education from IIT’s & IIM’s also demand this!!!This is not a relationship; this is a commercial deal where the girl’s family loses.

A lavish and pompous ceremony has become the norm of the day. Rather than talking about the character and beauty of the girl, people talk about the cost of the marriage dress & the finer intricacies of the Kg’s of the gold she wears for the ceremony.  Her friends and families try to match her or even improve their own status by adding few more Kg’s of gold to their wedding. There is no harm if one can easily afford this but it is bad, an evil practice when you are forced to do so to maintain the “status” or the norms of the society. I believe there would be a better status if you can give something from your luxury to the poor on your wedding; feed them, cloth them or give some money to those souls who cannot afford a decent marriage function.  At least you will have a satisfaction that you did something good and the bonus of smiles and prayers from the people you helped.

Dowry has become a trend setter in many families. Some families say that their so and so relatives got so much at their son’s marriage and now they will lose face if they don’t demand more!!!   They continuously terrorize the poor girl’s families till all their demands are met.  Any sensible guy should be ashamed of this. Their families are trading them openly as if they are cattle. The girl’s family pays money to buy such animals for their daughter. My dear brothers have you ever thought about the status you are trying to maintain by being part of such a process?  You are no better than a sheep or any other cattle. For me my friends and family are priceless. I will not trade them even if I got all the treasure of this earth. I think this is what is said to every son by their mothers and families but in reality it seems that they are not priceless. We can easily find their value in this trade market.

I believed that this system was prevalent only in arranged marriages. Few days back I read an article about the death of 26 year old women. She was working as a manger in a private company.  She met a guy through a common friend. After two years of courtship he proposed. Both the families agreed to the relationship. But the guy and his family were demanding dowry before the wedding. The guy even suggested to his fiancée that she should commit suicide if her family cannot meet his demands!!! Being a faithful partner she followed his advice. My heart and prayers are with that pour soul and her family. I don’t know what type of punishment should be given to such devils.

The cost and pressure caused by this heinous system is one of the major causes of female infanticide. In many families the moment a girl child is born, the worry starts. Many of my colleagues have daughters. Few months back a new angel came to bless my colleague. After few days of child birth we invited him for a weekend tour to a nearby tourist place. He jokingly said that he cannot spend like before because he has to save for his daughter’s wedding (an event that might happen after 25 years)!!! I liked that he loved his family and cares for them but I would have been happier if he had said that he is saving for his daughters education and for fulfilling her dreams. I know about a dad who worked hard all his life, saving every penny he could save. His daughter’s marriage was great, meeting all the parameters and norms of the society. But unfortunately within one year the marriage ended in divorce. She had only a moderate education. Now her life is in a standstill without any direction or purpose. If he had invested all those resources in her proper education and fulfilling her dreams she would have at least got a decent job and purpose in life.
Now lets us look at some of statistics.

According to the figures there was 8391 deaths reported because of dowry in 2012 in India when compared to 6995 deaths in 2000. Surely India is improving its standards. I believe only a very small percentage of the dowry deaths are reported (could be as less as 10%); there are many deaths which go un-reported. The figures show only a tip of iceberg hidden under the complex society rules. There are thousands of others who are living dead because of this system, continuously being abused verbally, physically and emotionally.
It a high time that we acted against this menace, raising our voice collectively.

We detest daughters! We hate them so much that we kill them before birth

I was going through some random blogs. The following lines caught my attention.

“We detest daughters! We hate them so much that we kill them before birth.  And we kill them after birth!  We kill them as they take their first breath.  We kill them while they are suckling infants.  We kill them as they learn to walk.  We kill them as they learn to talk and say ‘mama’ and ‘baba.’ We kill them as they learn to smile and trust, and love, and ask for their favorite foods – mangoes or sweets.  We kill them as they learn to play with their friends, and listen to stories about fairies, princesses, and far away dreams.  We kill them because we hate them.  We kill our daughters in the millions.”

Read the full article below
http://genderbytes.wordpress.com/2011/04/01/we-are-a-nation-of-daughter-killers-affirms-india%E2%80%99s-2011-census/

Mothers: the visible God in our life

Last day I was burning my calories in gym. I was jogging in treadmill. There was an old film playing on the TV set. The story revolves around a father and mother, their struggles on how they bring up their son. The son goes to colleges, marries a girl and comes back. He mistreats his parents and after selling the family home; he forces his old parents to live in an old age home. This is not a unique theme; we can see the same plot in many movies.

The sad part is that we can see this in real life in many homes. I never understood how someone can be so cruel. In a family there can be difference of opinions. In my own family there were many occasions when I had the strong opinion difference with my dad & mom. I am not proud of those moments & I don’t think either my dad will be.  As they become old they may need special attention and care. We may be tired of them but have we ever wondered how many sacrifices they have done for us. How many nights sleep they have lost because of us when we were kids?  My mother had carried me in her womb for 10 months, nourishing me, giving her share of oxygen & food. How can I ever repay that?  I would have spoiled their many nights sleep with my crying when I was an infant. How about the nights when I was sick & my parents took care of me – sitting, sleeping beside me, hugging me, and giving me the warmth from their body. How can someone forget all these?

It’s very sad that we only worry about our comfort.  Even the thought of a small sacrifice irritates us.  It is a very sad truth that there are many children who conveniently forget about the sacrifices by their parents. Few days ago I visited such a place where I could find many such stories.
 
(http://zoomview.blogspot.in/2012/08/the-august-diary-different-independence.html) I got a lot of love from those mothers. I have only pity for those children who couldn’t enjoy this true love.
 It is a belief that only God can give life. When I look around I can see only person doing that miracle. So if the mothers can give life, there should be some divinity in them. They should be God. What is the use of going to temple or church if you have hurt your mother?

 In the old pagan culture, womanhood was considered divine. They commanded respect. Natural elements were considered to be feminine because of the power they held. They called nature “mother nature”. This was true in almost all regions of the planet. But slowly the powerful men conspired against this & created lot of rules in the name of God to grab power. I don’t agree with such bearded learned scholars who oppress this divine creation.  God will never hear them because they have already hurt him/her.

Tip of the day: Negative energy

Tip of the day:You should develop your mind to be receptive of good ideas. Never waste your energy in negative thinking. It will drain the life out of you. There will be ups and downs in life. Life is not a smooth road. The world is not fair, it never was & it never will be.

You should do your duty passionately with love. I am not saying that you shouldn't expect any positive result for your labour. You should surely expect but the world doesn't stops if you fail. 

World remembers only the last success you had, they will easily forget the 999 failures you had before. If you fail try once more. The only thing you have to worry is your self conscious. Can you look into the mirror and say that you did your best and that you didn't hurt anyone intentionally? Then whatever may be the end result you will never fail in your own eyes.

You may lose few battles but you can win the war :)

Towards the distant rainbow

Dark clouds are gathering fast in my sky
The eastern wind has lost its rhythm
Swirling around me in a deafening roar
I cannot even hear my heart crying over my dead soul.

I opened the window to embrace the coldness
I gave myself to the emptiness
The deep cut inside me shivered
The heart throbbed within me,
 trying to break free.

It has started raining heavily
The sky is pouring out,
coming down rapidly to embrace me
to comfort me in its hug, wiping my tears
Washing out all the dirt, all the emotions I had
Purifying me , strengthening me for the battles that awaits me

I stood there watching my last defense fading away with the passing clouds
Helpless, aimless, emotionless
Among the ruin, I have nothing else to hold on
only my shattered dreams and a lifeless soul.

The road ahead is slippery
How can I move forward?
But somehow I have started walking again,
Towards the distant rainbow, where dreams meet the reality
Where the world is not cruel.

I know I will reach there someday,
I know I am bleeding, It hurts a lot
But  I cannot stop, victory & glory awaits me
I have to move forward…

.................................
(It was a cloudy day, with heavy rains. when it started raining I opened my window, felt rain drops on my bare skin, I stood there for few minutes, closing my eyes. There was no rainbow nearby but it should be somewhere, hidden to my eyes)

Abhilash

I am lost

I lost my sleep in my wandering
I searched but didn’t find the peace
Slowly I am losing myself,
Don’t know what it is.
It is a strange feeling,
Never knew it would feel like this
The heart has stopped beating
There is only a vacuum, a numbness
I cannot feel anything
Am I dead or living dead?

I have lost my dreams
It is darkness everywhere
Where am I to go?
Even the dreams has deserted me
Can I be in a dream?
It can’t be, how can I dream with eyes open
But it can’t be real also
How much more I have to suffer?


I have lost my soul
I have a big hole in me
Tearing me apart
It is hurting so deep
Like a deep cut of knife
I am slowly bleeding to death

I was so blind
I was expecting water in this desert
I should have known
I cannot escape my destiny
I cannot escape pain
Alas, it was only a mirage
Am I supposed to die of thirst in this desert?


I just wish that this pain would go away
I just wish that I could sleep in that embrace
I am so empty
I am lost in this wilderness

....................................................

Abhilash

The power of smile: I saw a smile today

We have heard that a smile makes others happy. It doesn’t cost anything but still it is so hard to get one.  Today I saw how simple is it to give a smile and make others happy.

It was the shopping season; people were busy shopping, lot of cars outside. It was drizzling also. I usually buy petrol from one petrol pump for my car. My tank was half full but when I passed through that I area I thought I will fill my tank. When I reached the pump I saw a small queue – a car and an auto-rickshaw behind it filling petrol from two outlets. Once the car in front filled its tank, I reversed parked my car into the vacant spot. I looked around could find any free person around. I pressed my car horn to draw attention; one of the staff came towards me. Looking at his face I knew he was tired after a hard day in rain. I asked him to fill petrol for INR 1000 and gave my credit card. He would have preferred cash, now I made him walk extra in rain towards the main cabin for swiping it. Once he came back with the slip to sign, I asked him for a bill also. Looking at his face I knew he would have preferred some simple folks who paid in cash & didn’t ask for bill. I felt like giving something in return. I took a deep breath, looked into his eyes, brought the best smile I could on my face and said “thank you brother for your help”. I kept that smile for few seconds. Slowly I could see the frown vanishing form his face and a new sweet smile appearing. I started my cars & slowly it started moving forward. Now this guy came back, smiled back and wished me a happy Onam. It was a surprise for me. I couldn’t understand what he said but he repeated it for me. I felt so happy about that. As I started my car again, I could see him smiling through my rearview mirror. Smile was contagious. This so simple and the best thing I did that day

Why worry

Why worry about the things you can change. You will solve it.

Why worry about things which you cannot solve. No worrying will solve it, you will only create more problems in life.

How Selfish Are You? Do you think the universe revolves around you?

i saw a website with multiple options on this.
http://www.blogthings.com/howselfishareyouquiz/

My results

You are quite balanced. You are able to compromise when it's in the best interests of those involved.
But you're no pushover. If something is important to you, you'll get it!

The August diary - A different independence day & Onam with Mothers

It was time for another of those special moments in life.

This 15th August was different for me and many of my friends. This month we decided to visit an old age home (Hope Foundation). I have visited this place many times. But lately I didn’t go there. I talked about this to my friend and she readily agreed.  With the Onam festival around the corner we decided to make it large. The idea of giving a grand feast and OnaKodi gifts was too exciting (Thanks Annie for this). Even on that day I could visualize the warmth and the smiles on the mothers. But there was a problem I had lost the contact number of the volunteer “cheechi”.  I contacted my ex-colleagues and got the number from them. I called and confirmed the event on 15th.  I was little worried about the catering part. Usually at this time of the year all the caterers will be busy. It was a great relief when Vinayaka caterers accepted the order. Even then I was doubtful so I called them twice on two different days to re-confirm the order. Another anxious moment was when I had to go shopping for buying new clothes for the mothers. I had done shopping with my sister, cousins, mom & very few girlfriends but selecting 11 Sarees plus Churidars and few other dress was really a gigantic task. My shopping lasts for a maximum of one hour and on this particular day I went shopping for more than 4 hours with one of my best friend. Now I can understand the pain my other friends describe when they go shopping with their wives.

Being a holiday I was not sure how many people will join us. Many had doubts about the visit. I even tried to bribe few with the lunch menu :P.  Annie did a great job of shopping and co-coordinating the visit. I think I am getting better at my management skills. I can easily delegate a lot of things :P. In the last few days we got a small crowd for the visit.

On the D day we decided to meet at a common place before going to the place. I parked the car near the gate and entered the premises. Everyone present there was waiting with a big smile and open arms for us. I was visiting this place after 2 years but surprisingly few mothers remembered me. Slowly we started talking with everyone. There was laughter, smile all around. There was melody of love in the air, a sweet gentle music which was produced by the resonance of the chords in heart. I could feel this in every one of us. I was talking to one of the mothers there. She was sitting in chair and I was on my knees holding her hand. She enquired about my job, how I come to office etc. When I told her that I drive 26 km (one way) everyday, she advised that I should take a house near office. I told her that my parents are at home and they need someone to talk to everyday so I don’t consider driving this distance a burden. At that moment I could see the tears in hers eyes, I could feel the love in her gentle hug. She would have prayed for a son like me. I felt this love in many other mothers whom I talked. I believe all the angels who came with me on that day would have felt the same. We had so many mothers who are praying for us.

Surprisingly the caterers were punctual. They reached the hope foundation at 11 AM itself! They had confirmed this with me couple of times but I didn’t believe that they will be on time. The food was delicious. An A+ for them. They are going to be my preferred caterers for any event I organize.

It was time for our lunch. The delicious traditional Kerala style feast in banana leaf was waiting. We served the food for mothers. It was fun, a collective effort. By the time we finished serving we were sort of experts in traditional Kerala food serving. After the mothers finished their lunch we had the lunch. There were few kids who preferred sitting down on the floor on for the food. After we finished our lunch it was time for the OnaKodi making it a memorable Onam for everyone.

It was not only an independence day for the country but an independence day for me also. On that day I saw something so beautiful in all those faces. Now I know what is important for me. Now when I look back I know that I will be coming to this place again.

p.s. it was my mom’s birthday. How can I celebrate it better? :) On that shopping spree I bought her also a sari. Early morning (if you can say that 7 AM is early :D ) I tiptoed to the kitchen where she was busy preparing breakfast, wished her a happy birthday and gave her the birthday gift. She smiled & I was so happy for it. The day started on a bright side.

This was one of the best days of my life :)
Thanks for all those who supported ...may god bless each one of you.

Wrong decision in life

“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?”

From The Alchemist

Opportunities

Opportunities are very slippery, if you don't grab yours someone else will :)

July diary – A visit back to the dome of love

I had almost stopped zooming for couple of years. I didn’t find much inspiration in writing.  This month was special; I was in a time travel… travelling back few years. I like small kids a lot. Years back I my birthday celebration was with small kids at an orphanage. I wanted to visit it again. Last time I went alone. This time I wanted few more people. I was not sure how people will react to this new initiative. It was a leap of faith from my side. There was nothing to worry; many liked the idea. A FB group (http://www.facebook.com/groups/ToGiveHope/) was created for this. Invited few close friends & they in turn invited few of their friends. I called mother superior and confirmed the date & time of our visit. It was an adoption centre so they had kids from 3 days to few years. Few days before our visit we bought few food supplements & chocolates from a nearby store. We bought the entire stocks of junior horlicks in that store. The look on the cashier was priceless when she saw the items. She would have imagined that I had a really big family: P

The visit was wonderful. We were around 10 people.  Once we reached the Shishu Bhavan, it was a different feeling. Sister guided us to the first floor. For a moment before the door was opened I felt sort of a sweet tension building in me. When I saw those small sweet eyes looking at us I forgot all the tensions I had. Few of them came running towards us with hands raised. I felt a very deep bond with Aisha. She was smiling at me. Her small eyes had a sort of calmness and love inside which I cannot describe in words.  How could I resist? I quickly picked her up & hugged her before anyone else claims her. She put her small arms around my neck dissolving all the barriers. For a moment I could sense my eyes getting wet.

It was a big family, soon few others kids also came towards me I lifted them also. Soon we became one among them, playing singing with them. Their sweet smiles, kiss, hugs & the smell of milk was priceless. I saw one engineer there, he wanted to play with my watch, turning all the keys and asking a lot of questions. Somehow I managed to satisfy his curiosity.

The most difficult part was going back. Before the visit I had jokingly warned my colleagues that they shouldn’t take those small kids back with them to home without permission. Really, I felt like taking at least one with me. They were so sweet. And finally when we started walking back few of the kids came and caught my hands pulling me back, another smart chap caught my leg. It was with very heavy heart that I had to put them down and go back. My heart was full, words were few. When we came down, we could see the kids crying asking us stay there with them. I quickly walked away from that place. If I had stayed there for few more minutes, tears would have rolled down. When I was driving back there was calmness in my soul which I didn’t felt for many months. I was breathing, I was alive & I knew how to love. I know this small visit has changed me for good.

There is another pretty good article written by my colleague regarding this visit. Check it out.
http://mypieceofbluesky.blogspot.in/2012/07/get-out-of-your-comfort-zone.html